By Steve Gillman - September 5, 2011
What is an adorkist? One who does not believe in the big dork,
of course. My short story will explain...
Darrin didn't believe, and that is why they were afraid of
Everyone knew Dork had created the world, as far as they were
concerned. It said so in the Old Text, which was known to be
the word of Dork. It was confirmed in the New Text, which contained
the story and words of the Son of Dork. Who was Darrin to disregard
the word of Dork?
It is true that Dork was unusually cruel by human standards.
He was petty and jealous, and in the past liked to kill off whole
races of people that didn't please him. He outlawed cripples
from entering the houses where people worshiped him. He killed
children who made fun of his messengers. But we cannot judge
him by human standards, the holy arbiters of Dork assured the
Dork loved his humans he had created. Of course, if they didn't
love him back, he would send them to the burning place to be
forever tortured. But again, we cannot judge his love by our
human standards, said the holy men.
Darrin had read the "sacred" books, both the Old
Text and the New Text. He was horrified by the stories there.
But more than that, he just didn't see any reason to believe
"But then who created the world?" his friends would
ask when he expressed his doubts.
"I don't know. Maybe no person or spirit did."
"Obviously it didn't just appear, so it had to be Dork."
"Why not Mickey Mouse?" he asked. They just shook
their heads. He asked for evidence, and everything they ever
told him could have been equally true if Mickey Mouse created
and ruled the universe. The bottom line? He was not convinced.
Adorkist, they called him. A non-believer in Dork. He knew
that in another time and place their beliefs would be seen to
be as truly crazy and dangerous as he saw them to be--delusional
even. When a human believes something outrageous and dangerous
with no reason it is considered delusional, after all. But when
millions believe the same thing, it is called religion.
And now he had to be careful living in a world of Dorkists.
Even the politics of his country were becoming more and more
intertwined with dorkianity. He could easily lose jobs or be
threatened for expressing his adorkism. At least one recent president
had even said that those who didn't believe in Dork weren't really
It seemed like a terrible insanity was loose in the world.
But Darrin was the one who was seen as crazy. He was uncertain
what his future held. Then he wondered if perhaps there were
others who didn't bow before a big dork...